If you call the medics for the pressure in the 70s and the medics tell you your B/P cuff is broken....it probably is. If you still insist on sending your patient to us, I won't be able to help but openly mock you when I call to say her pressure is completely normal and I will be sending her back!
If you come to us for severe epigastric pain and insist you haven't used heroin in days, I will certainly let the doc know that your nostrils are rimmed in fresh cocaine.
If you were seen in our ER at 5am and you return at 11pm because you still can't sleep.....you will certainly have the fastest ER visit of your life.
If you come in with excruciating abdominal pain, doubled over and crying and I give you morphine....you should not ask me 4 seconds later when your next dose will be. If you do, I will definitely become suspicious and check your story against those of other ERs in the area. You will be discharged shortly thereafter, without incident, for drug seeking behavior.
If you come in for 'the worst headache of your life' and get a lumbar puncture and pain meds....we will all be super surprised to find out you have track marks on your spine because this schtick is how you score your fix!
Oh the tricksters have been out in full force but it is hard to outsmart us. At this point we have seen it all........ almost
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